Jodi Smith, Etiquette Expert

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Website: Mannersmith.com
Jodi Smith is an etiquette advocate and has been promoting better behaviors since 1986. Her business, Mannersmith, launched in January 1996. Jodi holds a bachelor’s degree in motivational psychology from the University of Rochester and a master’s degree from Cornell University. She consults to organizations, corporations, educational institutions and individuals on a variety of topics, including dining skills, office etiquette, professional protocol and wedding preparations. Jodi is sought out by the media for her no-nonsense approach to etiquette. Jodi has been seen on the NBC Today Show, Good Morning America and on the CBS Early Show. She has been quoted in the Washington Post, Wall Street Journal and USA Today. She has been a featured guest on radio shows including Martha Stewart Living and the BBC. She is also the author of two etiquette books and currently writing her third. Jodi is well known among her clients for her educational and entertaining style.

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Man to Men

Posted by Jodi Smith, Etiquette Expert on January 27, 2012
groomsmen blue ties

Photo Credit: 5ive15ifteen Photography

Q: What is the proper way in the wedding program to list the best man when there are two? My daughter’s fiancé is having two best men. Do we list the heading as Best Man, and then put both names or do we use the title “Best Men?” Thank you.

A: Congratulations on your daughter’s wedding. As you suspected, the heading would be “Best Men,” and they would then be listed alphabetically.

Jodi R. R. Smith is a nationally known etiquette expert and author. She is the president of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting. You are invited to email her your etiquette emergencies at Salem@Mannersmith.com

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Filed under: Etiquette/Support, Guest Experts
January 27, 2012 by Jodi Smith, Etiquette Expert
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Oops, Sent Save the Dates Too Soon!

Posted by Jodi Smith, Etiquette Expert on January 20, 2012

wedding save the date

Photo Credit: found on WeddingByColor.com

Q: We mailed out our “save the date” notices about a month ago. Last week, our financial situation changed drastically. As a result, we need to cut our list to about 25% of our guests. We have been calling people personally to tell them the news. Thankfully, our friends have been very understanding of the situation, which is wonderful at this awkward time.

However, a friend we haven’t told the news to yet sent us a wedding gift. What is the proper way to handle this situation? Should I return the gift immediately, then call her to let them know I shipped it back and why I sent it back? Or should I call her to tell them news and offer to send the gift back?

A: Your situation is not uncommon. You actually have a number of options. The first is to proceed with your wedding as planned, just with fewer guests. The second is to keep the number of guests, but to rethink the actual wedding/reception. It sounds as if you have already decided on fewer guests, which leaves you calling those who are now disinvited. As for the friend who has already sent the gift. Call her immediately to let her know the new wedding plans and ask how she wants you to proceed. (You can send the gift back or return it at a store near you for a credit to her account.) If she is truly a friend, she will understand. Be sure to thank her for her thoughtfulness and well wishes either way.

Jodi R. R. Smith is a nationally known etiquette expert and author. She is the president of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting. You are invited to email her your etiquette emergencies at Salem@Mannersmith.com

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Filed under: Etiquette/Support, Guest Experts, Paper Goods
January 20, 2012 by Jodi Smith, Etiquette Expert
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Budget Battle for Guests

Posted by Jodi Smith, Etiquette Expert on January 13, 2012
wedding guest etiquette

Photo Credit: Jason Walz

Q: With our daughter’s upcoming wedding, the cost of which will be split between us, the groom’s parents and the bride (not the groom), how do we decide how many people each side is entitled to invite? Does the bride’s family still have the final say on how many guests are invited and how many of those guests are the groom’s side?

A: Generally, in the interest of peace and future interactions, the groom’s side is giving approximately the same number of seats as the bride’s side, even when the bride’s side is paying for the wedding in full. However, with that said, there are many factors to consider. The number of invited guests is dependent on the size of the wedding, the seating capacity of the reception hall, the cost per plate, the size of each side’s family, and what is deemed equitable by those paying for the wedding.

You, your husband and your daughter should sit down and talk about numbers. Decide what might be a fair number of guests for each side, and then approach the groom’s side to discuss.

Jodi R. R. Smith is a nationally known etiquette expert and author. She is the president of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting. You are invited to email her your etiquette emergencies at Salem@Mannersmith.com

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Filed under: Etiquette/Support, Guest Experts
January 13, 2012 by Jodi Smith, Etiquette Expert
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A Table for More Than Two

Posted by Jodi Smith, Etiquette Expert on January 5, 2012

wedding seating

Photo Credit: found on cactuscreekdaily.com

Q: I am the groom’s father. His mother and I are divorced and both remarried. Most of the groom’s guests are from out of town (family). The reception seating chart has the groom’s mother, her husband and two younger children seated with me, my wife and our two younger children. Is this not just a bit tacky?

A: This is exactly right. While you may no longer be married, you and your ex-wife will always be your son’s parents. If there was a difficult situation (if one of you had not remarried or if one had cheated on the other resulting in the divorce) then you would not be seated together. But if that is not the case, I am sure you and your ex-wife can put aside your differences for a few hours for the sake of your son. Keep in mind; you only need to sit for the actual meal. Other than that, you should be mingling. Welcoming your family and introducing yourself to your new daughter-in-law’s friends and family. Take the high road. Your younger children will learn from your example and your son will be forever grateful.

Jodi R. R. Smith is a nationally known etiquette expert and author. She is the president of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting. You are invited to email her your etiquette emergencies at Salem@Mannersmith.com

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Filed under: Etiquette/Support, Guest Experts
January 5, 2012 by Jodi Smith, Etiquette Expert
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Dollars for Daughter’s S-I-L

Posted by Jodi Smith, Etiquette Expert on October 25, 2011
wedding table decor

Photo Credit: White Haute Photography

Q: Our daughter’s sister-in-law is getting married in a few months. We have been told we are getting an invitation to the wedding. It is however in another state and we do not want to make the drive. I looked everywhere to find out what would be the appropriate amount of cash gift we should send. Please help, what proper amount of cash gift should we give?

A: The reason you have looked everywhere and have not found a number is because everything is relative. What area in the country do you live? Are you and your husband employed and well off or are you on a fixed income? Have you met this woman? Do you plan on having an ongoing relationship with her and her new husband? How well does your daughter get along with her? What amount do you usually give for weddings? What is the general price range for gifts on her registry? How many potential in-law weddings will you be invited to in the future? Have you asked your daughter what she thinks you should give based upon amounts she was given at her wedding?

As you can see, there are many factors which go into making this decision. An appropriate gift could range from $25 through to $500 depending upon your answers. And it would be unthinkable for me to tell you “$100” without knowing anything about your situation. Only you know your budget and what you can afford to generously give along with your well wishes.

Jodi R. R. Smith is a nationally known etiquette expert and author. She is the president of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting. You are invited to email her your etiquette emergencies at Salem@Mannersmith.com

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Filed under: Etiquette/Support, Guest Experts
October 25, 2011 by Jodi Smith, Etiquette Expert
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Marriott
Viva Terra
Westin