Etiquette Emergency: 8/21/14

author , posted in Etiquette/Support
{Top Image via Simply Bloom Photography}DESTINATION WEDDINGS - KEEPING IT SMALL Q.  We both have huge families and want to plan an intimate destination wedding to keep it simple and affordable.  We’ve been told that we still need to invite our whole families and hope that only some will make the tr... read more

{Top Image via Simply Bloom Photography}

DESTINATION WEDDINGS – KEEPING IT SMALL
Q.  We both have huge families and want to plan an intimate destination wedding to keep it simple and affordable.  We’ve been told that we still need to invite our whole families and hope that only some will make the trip.  Unfortunately, we’re pretty sure that if we invite them all… they’ll come!  Is there a way to politely tell our families that we’re celebrating far away and they’re not invited?

A.  No.  There is no way to politely tell your families that they are not invited.  You are correct, for those you extend an invitation, you must be prepared for them to accept.  With big families, it is impossible to have a small wedding without hurt feelings.  You and your betrothed will need to decide if your wishes are more important than having your families be a part of your special day.  Personally, I prefer to opt towards inclusion.  You will have plenty of seclusion on your honeymoon.  This is not an easy decision, good luck.

DESTINATION WEDDINGS – WHO PAYS?
Q.  When planning a destination wedding, what costs for the wedding party and/or guests are expected to be covered by us, the bride and groom?

A.  One of the many complications of a destination wedding is the cost.  As the bridal couple, you should be quite clear in advance as to what you are willing to host and what will be the responsibility of the attendants and guests before anyone books any tickets.  Typically, guests will be treated to the wedding celebration as well as a meal the night prior and a going away brunch the next day.  For attendants, it is common to cover their lodging as well.  If you also able to cover their airfare, be generous as do so as well.  Do be aware, when attendants and guests are computing their budgets for your wedding, the amount they are able to spend on gifts decreases as the travel costs increase.

 

Jodi R. R. Smith is a nationally known etiquette expert and author. She is the president of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting. You are invited to email her your etiquette emergencies at Salem@Mannersmith.com

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