Photo Credit: HoneyFund.com
Q: My wife and I were married a month ago in Thailand while we were teaching there and did not have family or friends to celebrate with at that time. We have since returned to Canada where my wife’s parents have suggested a late reception. We will be leaving for Taiwan in 3 months and will be unable to carry with us the more traditional wedding gifts. Is there any way to inform guests of our situation on the invitation without sounding ungrateful, and would it be too rude to ask for money in lieu of gifts?
A: First, many congratulations on your recent marriage! As with registries, you need never include gift information on the invitation. As people respond to the invitation, they may inquire as to your gift preferences. It is at this point in the process when you would share your living/travel plans. I would strongly suggest that you register somewhere on-line where your guests can shop and have the items delivered to your residence in Taiwan. Savvy guests will realize that if they do not purchase something from your registry, that a monetary gift would be the next best item. Gifts that are non-transportable or impractical should be exchanged, returned, re-gifted, donated or stored – while still thanking the giver for their kind thoughts and wishes.
Jodi R. R. Smith is a nationally known etiquette expert and author. She is the president of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting. You are invited to email her your etiquette emergencies at Salem@Mannersmith.com.
The Everyday Bridesmaid
One of my fiancé’ and I’s main concerns is making sure that everyone is comfortable and relaxed at our wedding. This meant picking a place that’s easy to get to (even if you have to fly in or drive a distance), having the reception at a hotel so no one has to worry about drinking and driving, making sure everything is air conditioned (since we’re having a July wedding below the Mason-Dixon line), and that there will be something for everyone to do (e.g., broad range of music, toys for the kids, variety of food and drink that everyone can enjoy).
The last thing we want is for anyone to feel put-out by the event … especially our wedding party. I’ve picked five bridesmaids and each one has an entirely different body shape. I knew that I would never be able to pick a dress that each one felt comfortable in. Girls, you understand, a really tall girl may want a longer dress than the shorter one, and the “well-endowed one” will be pulling up a strapless dress all night. Some like heels, some want to wear their hair up, some like big gaudy sparkly earrings (OK, that last one may just be me), but you get the idea.
In recent years there has been a big trend in customizing bridesmaids dresses; however, all this “customizing” really seems to be just picking out a neckline, since traditionally the bride still chooses the color, length, and fabric.
“You can pick whatever dress you like…as long as it’s lilac, tea-length, in brushed satin, and isn’t strapless – since that’s what the maid of honor is wearing, and she gets first pick.”
I’d rather give my bridesmaids a little more freedom.
Well, in even more recent years (maybe the last two), I’ve seen a big jump in coordinating rather than matching bridesmaids dresses.
You can still get an overall effect that goes with the color, style, or theme of your wedding, but in dresses your bridesmaids are sure to wear again! Here are some great examples of weddings who did just that!
…all in silver:
…in similar fabrics, but different shades of blue:
Photo Credit: The Knot
…a variety of warm tones, but all long:
Photo Credit: The Knot
…completely different dresses, all in shades of green:
Photo Credit: 10-foot Poet
…different fabrics, similar color:
Photo Credit: InStyle Weddings
…completely different and completely chic
Photo Credit: Erin Hearts Court Photography via OnceWed
… who says that the bride can be the only one in white:
Photo Credit: StyleMePretty
…or (my personal favorite) go vintage!
Photo Credit: Offbeat Bride
Of course, there may be a little backlash from your bridesmaids – it’s a lot of pressure for them to pick out a dress without any input from you. To ease that tension a bit, here are a few tips:
- Offer to go shopping with them
- Pick out some paint chips from the hardware store with the colors you had in mind. The chips are easy enough to take with you to the mall
- Send them photos of what you like.
- Go online shopping, there are billions of dress sites out there.
- Offer to go through their closet. They may already have something that would be perfect!
Having the girls wear something they’re comfortable in (and that doesn’t cost an arm and leg just to wear one day) will definitely help your bridesmaids enjoy your wedding as much as you do!
Are you doing anything “out of the ordinary” with your bridesmaids?