Etiquette Emergency 9/12/13

author , posted in Etiquette/Support
MINDING ONE’S FUTURE MOTHER IN LAW Q: My future mother-in-law seems to have something to say about every decision I make about the wedding. She is driving me bonkers and she is not even paying for the wedding!! How can I get her to cease and desist?A: Everyone wants to feel included and valued on this ... read more

MINDING ONE’S FUTURE MOTHER IN LAW
Q: My future mother-in-law seems to have something to say about every decision I make about the wedding. She is driving me bonkers and she is not even paying for the wedding!! How can I get her to cease and desist?

A: Everyone wants to feel included and valued on this big day. Your future mother-in-law may seem pushy to you, but remember, she gave birth to the fabulous person you are about to marry. This is a big deal for her too! Whether or not she is financially helping with the wedding, you should be treating your future MIL with respect. (After all, some of your future children may be males and you would hope your future DIL would extend the same courtesy to you!) This means thinking through what she can have a say in for the wedding. Whether that is the flowers the men wear, what is served at the morning after brunch or which song she should dance with her son during the reception. Honoring your MIL will mean so much to her…and even more to her son.

QUID PRO QUO BRIDESMAIDS
Q: My sorority sister had me as a bridesmaid in her wedding five years ago. At the time, we had just graduated from college and we were still super close. Now we live in different cities and only barely keep in touch. Do I need to ask her to be an attendant in my wedding?

A: Being a bridesmaid, thankfully, is not a quid pro quo situation. If you served in a friend’s wedding, but can’t/won’t have her as a bridesmaid in yours, employ preemptive etiquette. Think about how she can have a role. Can she hand out programs? Can she be in charge of the guest book? Say a prayer? Light a candle? Then, in person if possible, or in your case at least ear to ear, let her know what is happening. “Suzie, I had such fun being a bridesmaid in your wedding. You never let on how difficult it is to plan. With all the pressure I am getting from the mothers in include some really bizarre cousins, Bob and I have decided to have siblings only in the wedding party. I do hope you will understand. I still want you to have a role in the ceremony. Would you recite a blessing for us?”

Jodi R. R. Smith is a nationally known etiquette expert and author. She is the president of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting. You are invited to email her your etiquette emergencies at Salem@Mannersmith.com

(Top image via Ruffled Blog)

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